Beneath the Surface – the Past always Catches Up with you

Popeye Inlaid Puzzle — Excellent Condition, 

Bill Cosby’s arraignment for “aggravated indecent assault” i.e. multiple rapes and alleged rapes has shocked the nation; especially his long-time fans and admirers.

Cosby represented the all-American family and basic goodness. He made us laugh. He made us smile at our own foibles in parenting.

His story reminds me of a similar one about a former cop who got arrested for child porn and spousal abuse.  Known for protecting others, he couldn’t protect his own or himself.

And what about the neighbor’s husband who ends up in the headlines, after his death, for his reputation as a pervert and philanderer. When the grieving wife settled his affairs, she discovered letters and other evidence of his misdeeds in his desk; confirming what she suspected, but could not prove. She continued to find the tell-tale signs of his indiscretions long after he was gone.

Popeye plaster statue, good condition

The past always catches up with you. Some people manage to keep the surface of their lives smooth and unfettered, but deep within is a raging sea. What triggers these unexplained blips that appear in an otherwise normal existence?  Is it a controlling environment and too much stress? Or simply a need to indulge a secret and a hidden piece of life that no one else has access to?

My husband and I share an office which I’m discovering is a big mistake. He sits right behind me. While I’m trying to create, he reads his emails and laughs out loud. At other times, he shares his mail or what’s off the top of his head. When my children were young, I learned to continue regardless of the interruptions or noise. But as I’ve grown older, I’m finding the ability to focus is more difficult.

I usually head for my desk when I wish to write or catch up with things. To do this requires concentration and imagination. My husband follows me like a puppy dog into the office. I should feel flattered that he likes my companionship, but my irritation sometimes boils over in unflattering ways.

Sweet Pea glass, excellent condition

I go to the office when I want a moment of communion with my higher force and muse. The other day I listened to some Christmas music from “Child of the promise” a musical production written and arranged by Michael & Stormie Omartian in the year 2000.

The solos by Elizabeth and Mary fill me with joy and allow me to worship in a way that is only possible with music. Of course, that brought protests from my husband, who looked upon it as an intrusion  into his space, even though I was there first to be alone. He views the office as his and his alone.

God gifted me as a writer and an artist. So why then did I have a large family and demanding spouses?  Alone time has always been rare and difficult to find.

I had friends who were writers that found a means to create. One put a hair dryer on her head and concocted stories in a whirl of white noise? Another friend locked herself in the bathroom so she could think and pound out her thoughts without being disturbed.

I used to create on my daily walks. My husband would jog ahead and I’d commune with nature and create subject matter. Sometimes I’d use this time to pray and converse with my higher power and muse. Now he no longer jogs, but walks beside me, usually expounding upon some political angst or philosophy. He uses me as his sounding board and silent companion. I end up feeling frustrated for lack of two-way conversation or the “space” I so desperately need.

Sometimes I lose my cool. And sometimes he does, too. When you’re with someone 24/7 you have to make space in order to survive. If you can relate, be sure to define the times and places where you need a quiet spot for down time. If you fail to do this, don’t be surprised if you end up in a screaming match wondering what just happened.

Does your body language say: “Come and get me?” or “I can take care of myself.”

“Belly Dancer” 11 x 14 acrylic on panel

You are a walking advertisement. What are you selling? Young women often “strut their stuff” searching for a date or a mate. But what are they really saying with the way they dress or act? Probably that they’re looking for sex. If you’re dressed like a hooker, don’t be surprised if that’s the only kind of invitations you’re going to get.

What kind of friends do you want to attract? Are you casual and athletic, or are you more the theater and stage kind of person? Do you love to read and are up on current events, or do you just slide by and prefer small talk and gossip?

“Reggae Night” acrylic on canvas

Every time you go out in public, you send a message about yourself. Are you confident and poised, or insecure and “needy?” Are you pushy and demanding or are you courteous and thoughtful of those around you. Some people are afraid to show their soft side for fear that they’ll be taken advantage of, and there is some truth to this feeling. But if you act confident and sure, you are more likely to be ignored by someone who is looking for a “soft touch.”

The bad guys study your non-verbal clues. They know who’s an easy mark and those who may put up a fight. Of course, if there’s more than one attacker, it’s best to give them what they want, unless you have a concealed weapon of your own that is.

As people debate this issue, just imagine yourself in the above situation either on the street or in your home. Are you just going to surrender to mutilation, rape, or robbery, or are you going to scare the hell out of your assailants and send them on their way?

“Broken” 11×14 mixed media (SOLD); prints available.

It seems our whole country is being overrun by gangs and weirdos who are able to purchase weapons illegally, and use them against us. Why should law-abiding citizens be denied the right to defend themselves against the lawless who don’t mind skirting the law? Since the 2^nd Amendment is very specific about this freedom, the discussion should be over.

Did you know that the government is buying up ammunition hand over fist? They figure if they can’t confiscate all the guns, they can at least keep the guns from firing. This unconstitutional act should be challenged if it isn’t already.

History tells us that in every dictatorship that has come to power, one of their first acts is to confiscate all the guns. As a free people we should not allow this. Statistically the odds for getting killed by a gun are slim to none.

Self-defense is an important tool. In Fort Myers, several elementary school girls have escaped the stalking and invitations of would-be rapists simply by screaming at the top of their lungs and running away.

Unfortunately, one young woman was grabbed by a man who stuffed her into his trunk so fast, she didn’t have time to react. Learning the techniques of self-awareness, environmental awareness, and some simple methods to disarm or disable an attacker has saved more than one person’s life.

Your job is to be as prepared as possible in the event something like this should happen to you. The very young and the feeble old are assaulted in greater numbers because they are weak and often defenseless. Paying for lessons for you and your children on self-defense to build up your knowledge and skills is well worth the money.