Beneath the Surface – the Past always Catches Up with you

Popeye Inlaid Puzzle — Excellent Condition, 

Bill Cosby’s arraignment for “aggravated indecent assault” i.e. multiple rapes and alleged rapes has shocked the nation; especially his long-time fans and admirers.

Cosby represented the all-American family and basic goodness. He made us laugh. He made us smile at our own foibles in parenting.

His story reminds me of a similar one about a former cop who got arrested for child porn and spousal abuse.  Known for protecting others, he couldn’t protect his own or himself.

And what about the neighbor’s husband who ends up in the headlines, after his death, for his reputation as a pervert and philanderer. When the grieving wife settled his affairs, she discovered letters and other evidence of his misdeeds in his desk; confirming what she suspected, but could not prove. She continued to find the tell-tale signs of his indiscretions long after he was gone.

Popeye plaster statue, good condition

The past always catches up with you. Some people manage to keep the surface of their lives smooth and unfettered, but deep within is a raging sea. What triggers these unexplained blips that appear in an otherwise normal existence?  Is it a controlling environment and too much stress? Or simply a need to indulge a secret and a hidden piece of life that no one else has access to?

My husband and I share an office which I’m discovering is a big mistake. He sits right behind me. While I’m trying to create, he reads his emails and laughs out loud. At other times, he shares his mail or what’s off the top of his head. When my children were young, I learned to continue regardless of the interruptions or noise. But as I’ve grown older, I’m finding the ability to focus is more difficult.

I usually head for my desk when I wish to write or catch up with things. To do this requires concentration and imagination. My husband follows me like a puppy dog into the office. I should feel flattered that he likes my companionship, but my irritation sometimes boils over in unflattering ways.

Sweet Pea glass, excellent condition

I go to the office when I want a moment of communion with my higher force and muse. The other day I listened to some Christmas music from “Child of the promise” a musical production written and arranged by Michael & Stormie Omartian in the year 2000.

The solos by Elizabeth and Mary fill me with joy and allow me to worship in a way that is only possible with music. Of course, that brought protests from my husband, who looked upon it as an intrusion  into his space, even though I was there first to be alone. He views the office as his and his alone.

God gifted me as a writer and an artist. So why then did I have a large family and demanding spouses?  Alone time has always been rare and difficult to find.

I had friends who were writers that found a means to create. One put a hair dryer on her head and concocted stories in a whirl of white noise? Another friend locked herself in the bathroom so she could think and pound out her thoughts without being disturbed.

I used to create on my daily walks. My husband would jog ahead and I’d commune with nature and create subject matter. Sometimes I’d use this time to pray and converse with my higher power and muse. Now he no longer jogs, but walks beside me, usually expounding upon some political angst or philosophy. He uses me as his sounding board and silent companion. I end up feeling frustrated for lack of two-way conversation or the “space” I so desperately need.

Sometimes I lose my cool. And sometimes he does, too. When you’re with someone 24/7 you have to make space in order to survive. If you can relate, be sure to define the times and places where you need a quiet spot for down time. If you fail to do this, don’t be surprised if you end up in a screaming match wondering what just happened.

The Secret to Becoming a Good Conversationalist – “It’s all about them!”

“India Rising — Prince of Thieves”

When the internet first came out, kids and teachers discovered that they “hadn’t even scratched the surface” of the information out there. They also learned the hard way that some of it was erroneous.

Today’s students know better. They live on the fast track where what they want is only an “app” away. The internet is so easy that many people rely solely on the information they get without knowing the source. Where does truth lie? If you want to know something, do you go to the experts or do you take the word of friends, relatives or some nobody online?

When you find a nugget of truth are you willing to accept it or do you argue with the evidence? Do you trust yourself to make judgments or do you know that you’re wishy-washy, at best, and lack confidence?

How deep do you go inside yourself? Do you really know how you feel about sex, about God, about Socialism, Capitalism, Communism, and Buddhism? What hidden secrets are you afraid to confront? But don’t spend too much time “navel gazing.” There’s a fine line between knowing yourself and becoming narcissistic or arrogant. In fact, the more insecure people are, the more time they spend internalizing.

“Reggae Night”

Many years ago, I was self-conscious at parties and around groups of people. I didn’t know what to say. I was so shy and introverted. I stood on the sidelines and observed before I even dared enter the conversation.

When I started working as a writing consultant, I had to interview people. I was terrified. Then I discovered that if I could get the other person or persons to talk about themselves, I didn’t have to talk about me at all! I soon became very popular and known as a “good listener.” I made a point of keeping other people’s information private, and soon gained their trust. It was a winning combination.

Pulling others out of themselves is a skill that can be learned. It doesn’t matter if you’re shy. All you need is a question to ask the other person, either about their job or where they are from? A compliment about what they’re wearing is also a good starting point or perhaps finding something you have in common like interests, co-workers or friends. Planning a few icebreakers or interview prep questions can get you off on a positive note. The more they talk, the less you’ll have to unless they start asking questions, too. It isn’t as hard as you think to respond back.

Information is all around us. We may get confused looking for answers. There are certain things we must learn to trust in or we’re bound to get lost. History that has not been altered can teach us a lot about human nature and the course of human events. Our own experiences may teach us about whom to trust and how to make better choices.

“India Rising — the Lost”

Knowing your enemy is important. There may be certain people in your life who always discourage you or intentionally “put you down.” Honesty is important. You want friends who level with you; but if their motives stem from jealousy or envy, their so-called truthful answers may actually harm you.

Poisonous people are not your friends. If you feel less confident and authentic around someone, change course and find others who are uplifting to be around and inspire you to be a better person. Then watch your self-confidence soar!

Where do you go for spiritual knowledge? Do you find a card reader or a fortune teller in the yellow pages, or do you read the Word of God? Do you check your daily horoscope, or do you ask the God you believe in for guidance?

“Prayer Circles”

Authority, history, books, newspapers, can provide additional data that may make the difference in the accuracy you’re looking for. Just remember, that most information is written by other people and may have shreds of personal opinion and untruths. Use discretion and compare notes. Don’t rely on one source. Trust your “gut.” Listen to your heart.

“India Rising — The Found”