Ordinary People – Who are they?

“India Rising — Prince of Thieves” acrylic on canvas

A man watched his depressed wife murder their two children and then hand the gun over to him so he could fulfill his part in their suicide pact. He shot his wife and then could not pull the trigger to end his own life.

Afterward, when neighbors were asked to describe this husband and father, now accused of murder, they shrugged and said “he was just an ordinary man.”

Ordinary people sometimes commit egregious acts. The problem is that we only see the outside shell. It is what goes on inside the mind and the heart that triggers a horrible incident. What did that “ordinary” man do in his spare time when he wasn’t working or socializing with the neighbors? Was he drinking too much or getting hooked on something stronger?

Was he feeding the fires of revenge and hatred? Was he depressed? Did he spend his alone hours watching pornography and indulging in sexual fantasies or sadism. As Emerson once said “We are what we think.” We cannot know someone completely if their secret thoughts and acts are hidden.

When someone snaps, it’s usually the result of a gradual descent into depravity, pain, or grief; an accumulation of events that eventually reach a boiling point or explosion. The internal poison and pain build up until it must either find an outlet or an escape valve. Without this release, under pressure, acts of violence against self or others may occur.

There are no ordinary people. We are all subject to trauma, evil and sin. We all experience emotional and physical pain. It is simply an inescapable part of life. How can society prevent suicide or acts of violence from happening? How can we keep our family, friends and neighbors from acting out and, instead, reach out for help and assistance?

We need to pay attention. If you haven’t seen a neighbor in awhile and you know they are home, seek them out to see if they are all right. Don’t worry about being “nosy.” Assume a caring attitude and offer help. Sometimes a simple thing like taking the children for an afternoon to relieve an overwrought and over worked mom is all that is needed.

My neighbor Alice hadn’t seen me or my children for awhile. One day she showed up on my doorstep with a shovel and a start of a plant from her yard that I had admired. “I think you need some sunshine,” she quipped. “Let’s plant this start together – do you remember this?” She displayed the green leaves with the lavender spray of flowers.

As we planted, we talked. The sunshine not only warmed my body but my soul. I never told her what was bothering me, although she suspected postpartum depression since I’d just given birth to my fourth child a few weeks before. It didn’t matter. Her presence gave me the support and caring I needed and probably prevented me from doing something foolish.

As Rivvy Neshama wrote in her book “Recipes for a Sacred Life: True Stories and a few Miracles,” if we would just “look around and ask ourselves what is wanted? What is needed?” We might be able to prevent a tragedy in our own family or neighborhood.

Ordinary people look like you and me. They may even act like you and me. But the fact is that there is no such person. Each individual is unique and unrepeatable. Instead of trying to lump them together into a common understandable and repeatable entity, we should seek out the traits that make them different. Not for the purpose of dividing us, but to recognize the special qualities that define each of us.

If a red flag goes up or your gut instincts tell you something is wrong, heed the warnings. Don’t give your trust to just anyone. Trust must be earned. Canned phrases like “Muslims are peaceful people,” or blacks can’t be trusted” only add to your internal confusion.

Not everyone has your best interests at heart. Even “ordinary” people may intend harm. Learn to trust yourself. I know I’ve done it. I’ve talked myself into disregarding my gut instincts by saying things like “that’s racist,” or thinking that “just because he or she is Arab doesn’t make them a terrorist.” But what if they are? What if those warning vibes going off in your head are right and there’s a reason why they’re going off?

“Love thy neighbor” but make sure your neighbor has good intentions. As Ronald Reagan once said “Trust, but verify.”

Ordinary people deserve your good will, but looks can be deceiving. In this distressful and confusing world, kindness and friendliness are needed more than ever, but don’t be a fool. You only have one life to live and perhaps one chance to save it.

Consider your surroundings. Proceed with caution. And trust your internal antennae. Don’t throw caution to the wind because you’re ashamed of feeling uneasy in someone else’s presence. Protect your instincts first and act before it’s too late.

“Broken” 11×14 mixed media (SOLD); prints available.

Does your body language say: “Come and get me?” or “I can take care of myself.”

“Belly Dancer” 11 x 14 acrylic on panel

You are a walking advertisement. What are you selling? Young women often “strut their stuff” searching for a date or a mate. But what are they really saying with the way they dress or act? Probably that they’re looking for sex. If you’re dressed like a hooker, don’t be surprised if that’s the only kind of invitations you’re going to get.

What kind of friends do you want to attract? Are you casual and athletic, or are you more the theater and stage kind of person? Do you love to read and are up on current events, or do you just slide by and prefer small talk and gossip?

“Reggae Night” acrylic on canvas

Every time you go out in public, you send a message about yourself. Are you confident and poised, or insecure and “needy?” Are you pushy and demanding or are you courteous and thoughtful of those around you. Some people are afraid to show their soft side for fear that they’ll be taken advantage of, and there is some truth to this feeling. But if you act confident and sure, you are more likely to be ignored by someone who is looking for a “soft touch.”

The bad guys study your non-verbal clues. They know who’s an easy mark and those who may put up a fight. Of course, if there’s more than one attacker, it’s best to give them what they want, unless you have a concealed weapon of your own that is.

As people debate this issue, just imagine yourself in the above situation either on the street or in your home. Are you just going to surrender to mutilation, rape, or robbery, or are you going to scare the hell out of your assailants and send them on their way?

“Broken” 11×14 mixed media (SOLD); prints available.

It seems our whole country is being overrun by gangs and weirdos who are able to purchase weapons illegally, and use them against us. Why should law-abiding citizens be denied the right to defend themselves against the lawless who don’t mind skirting the law? Since the 2^nd Amendment is very specific about this freedom, the discussion should be over.

Did you know that the government is buying up ammunition hand over fist? They figure if they can’t confiscate all the guns, they can at least keep the guns from firing. This unconstitutional act should be challenged if it isn’t already.

History tells us that in every dictatorship that has come to power, one of their first acts is to confiscate all the guns. As a free people we should not allow this. Statistically the odds for getting killed by a gun are slim to none.

Self-defense is an important tool. In Fort Myers, several elementary school girls have escaped the stalking and invitations of would-be rapists simply by screaming at the top of their lungs and running away.

Unfortunately, one young woman was grabbed by a man who stuffed her into his trunk so fast, she didn’t have time to react. Learning the techniques of self-awareness, environmental awareness, and some simple methods to disarm or disable an attacker has saved more than one person’s life.

Your job is to be as prepared as possible in the event something like this should happen to you. The very young and the feeble old are assaulted in greater numbers because they are weak and often defenseless. Paying for lessons for you and your children on self-defense to build up your knowledge and skills is well worth the money.

In Our Absence—Behind the Scenes

Mount Rainier at a distance.

A rock is thrown into a lake and creates rings that continue outward until you can no longer see them or the ripple effect that follows.

As human beings, we cast our words, our talents, our actions outward and they continue on, affecting everyone who comes in direct contact with us or indirectly through hearsay and  influence whether for good or for evil. Cause and affect; time marches on, even when we’re gone, and things change.

Mount Rainier “up close and personal.”

When we returned, the weeds had grown; the Bougainvillea had sprouted sucker branches that shot three feet beyond the original plant. Palm trees and Southern pine had been removed at the West Gate and the ground was being scraped and carved for new Condos.

In place of the shrubs and greenery we expected, metallic diggers and large-treaded tractors stood in defiance. The scarred earth lay bruised and exposed in place of the grass we had left behind. I mourned quietly for the raccoons, squirrels, possums, armadillos and birds left homeless and perhaps dead in their wake.

At the base of the mountain: Still a long way off. (the base is usually covered with snow).

At home, we replenished the empty refrigerator and pantry. A clerk where we shop was obviously pregnant. I had not noticed her condition before we left. Now she was burgeoning with ripe expectation. Could this ballooning have happened in only three weeks time?

All around, there were new things happening. The entrance to our complex had been re-tarred. The roadway greeted us with a black sheen and a smooth ride. Our mail was in the box just as we had requested, and surprise, surprise – while we were gone, the world kept turning and operating without our help.

Me and my sweetheart chatting while resting. My daughter caught us unawares.

Somewhere in this state of insignificance and unimportance that all of us feel from time to time, a young man, thinking only of himself and operating from hatred, decided to change the equation. He would have his moment in the flashing lights of fame and recognition. But instead of the light from above, he was surrounded by darkness and inspired by evil.

Today he remains in a dark cell as a caged animal because he acted in rage and from base animal instincts rather than from reason and love. Yet as he shot the living and ended their mortality, he also freed them to a higher calling.

A beautiful glacier lake on the way to Mount Rainier; a female caribou stands in the water.

To his surprise, instead of meeting hate for hate, he was surrounded by love. His so-called enemies were his friends. They chose to forgive him in spite of his egregious actions. They sought to live as they believed and to honor their Lord and Savior.

Instead of the “Christian hypocrites” that many in society were expecting, these humble followers made a commitment to each other and to their God that this heinous crime would not influence their faith or fulfill the hatred that had walked among them.

In the absence of their loved ones and with the indictment of the murderer, these valiant men, women and children walked with their heads held high; their aching hearts filled with the peace of God.

May the blessings of Heaven surround these faithful souls in South Carolina.