Self Control – Learning How to Wait

“Brown Thrasher” 20 x 16 acrylic on canvas; painting overlaps on barn-wood frame.

There’s an adage that says “Be careful what you wish for.” Conversely, there’s another one for believers: “Be careful what you pray for.”

As the mother of six children, I was constantly on my knees praying for patience. The Lord took me at my word and gave me strong-willed children, a critical spouse, and many opportunities to serve my church and community. In the process, I gained the skills I needed to serve my family and my God better.

Of course, the road was bumpy and difficult. I discovered my dependence on God for strength, and I learned how to wait for the things that I wanted.

“Berry Picking Time” 16 x 20 oil on canvas

If you think it’s easier to indulge your physical and emotional urges and let the “chips fall where they may,” you’re wrong. If that’s how you operate, you’re the one being controlled because you’re constantly at the beck and call of your passions and desires. You couldn’t stop even if you wanted to.

Once you cross the line from choice to addiction, your life becomes a living hell. You’re no longer cool and attractive because you’re no longer in control. It is much harder to break a habit than to shape constructive behavior.

On average, it takes 30 days to form a new habit and at least twice that long to break a bad one. But if you replace a destructive habit with a good one, you will heal in the process.

Whether it’s a craving for food or a sexual addition, all appetites and passions are difficult to break. If you gain two pounds every Christmas, and you don’t take that weight off, in twenty years you’ll have 40 pounds of excess fat. What if the amount you gain every year is five pounds, or ten? Is it really worth giving in?

Looking Outward (16 x 20) acrylic; frame: Old Window

Our government has self-indulged to the tune of almost $20 trillion dollars. Politicians are continually being “found out” for seeking prostitutes or taking bribes. Where did this lack of integrity come from? How did this unwillingness to take ownership and responsibility for one’s actions become so commonplace? It starts in the home and it begins in childhood.

Self-gratification always has a price either in divorce, disease, addiction and ill health, or in the downfall of success, prestige, and integrity. We have seen it across the nation in the lives of the rich and famous whose weaknesses are exposed in the finality of death

We should show our children the principles of self-control and integrity by example. We should teach them to wait for fulfillment instead of giving them what they want the minute they whine or throw a tantrum. We should help them learn how to plan and to save, so they may experience the joy of earning what they want.

Helping our children experience “delayed gratification” will increase their willpower, teach them how to save money, and how to endure when it comes to their own future education, marriage and parenting.

Today I see my personal struggle to overcome as an advantage and blessing. Instead of running up my credit cards, I have learned to sit back, reassess my needs and wants, and wait for the right item at a price I can afford. Instead of fretting over what I don’t have, I simply make a list, plan and adjust my budget, and watch for the right opportunity.

A friend helped me shop for a much-needed chest. She fretted for me. She urged me to make a decision and just buy one that she thought was appropriate for my bathroom; but I dug in my heels. I needed the drawer space for towels, but I was willing to wait for the right one.

It took me three years to finally buy the piece I wanted. It was the perfect fit! I didn’t have to move or alter the position of the wall art. Its size required no changes whatsoever between the door on the right or the towel rack on the left. The chest slipped easily under the large mirror hanging on the wall. I found exactly what I wanted at a price I could afford.

Peace Plant

This “patience thing” has put materialism where it belongs: somewhere down there with “things,” and well below my priorities of God, family, church, community.

I admit I once was a “hot head.” But the Lord helped me count to ten, and then to 50 as I tried to weigh my words. We could use a little more self-control in our out-of-control-world. Road rage, shootings, stabbings, mob violence and destruction have never been higher. We can’t always control others, but at least we should be able to control ourselves.

What do you get in return for your self-denial and patience?   A peaceful center from which to deal with others. Your anxiety and worry will melt away as you stand fast on your convictions and beliefs. Self-confidence will replace doubts. I tell you from my own experience, the pay-off is well worth the effort.

Acquired Taste is learned, Distinct and Personal

“Tansy’s Pride” 11 x 14 pastel on Bristol; ready to frame

I remember the first time I tasted pizza as a child. The heavy greasy cheese slid into my stomach like a bomb. The taste blew my mind, but my stomach churned. Thirty minutes later, I barfed up this delectable plate like a rock. Strangely, a few days later, I found myself hungering for another taste, another smell of this tantalizing taste treat.

Mushrooms were always used in my mother’s cuisine; however, I’d never eaten them raw. My first dry and papery bite was disappointing. The taste and smell reminded me of somebody’s musty basement. Once I got past that, their succulent, melt-in-your mouth texture and flavor made me a life-long fan. Japanese Shitake mushrooms are a favorite, along with Italian Portobello smothered in Marsala sauce, and American morels sautéed in butter for a light and delectable dish.

My first experience with pâté de foie gras came in Germany at the Ratskeller in Bremen. Goose liver pâté never tasted so fine, smooth and exquisite. The escargot brought back hints of musty basement, but I learned through continual tastings to linger and enjoy; that is until I saw a snail farm in Paris on Public Television. After watching these asexual creatures co-habit and reproduce in mounds of slime, I haven’t been able to enjoy them since!

Frog’s legs, rabbit, rattle snake, and locusts all require nibbling and experimentation to get the hang of it and to appreciate these newfound edible sensations. Of course, a little chocolate never hurts to hide what you fear.

Beer is a taste that many abhor, even after several mugs full. Once you get past the sour after taste, the rest is history. There’s nothing like a cold beer on a hot day to quench thirst. And what a great accompaniment with cheesy pizza or to soothe your stomach after eating Italian spices.

Wine is another love-it-or-leave it beverage that is literally time tested. Ancient as the “Ancient of Days,” wine is beloved the world over for its ability to enhance food, aid digestion, and quench the palate.

Our choices change as we age. Knowledge and experience mature our taste buds and our sense of smell. Our eyes no longer cringe at what we dislike, but embrace the exciting challenge of discovery. We not only become more discriminating with our food, but with our interests. Art becomes “eye candy” that we analyze and enjoy. The more knowledge we gain about the subject, the more we begin to understand ourselves and what appeals to us.

Books take us places we’ve never been before. The more we devour their pages, the more likely we are to expand our interests. For example, two of my friends, knowing that I was an avid reader, recommended books they thought I would like. The first turned out to be the longest book I’ve ever read, yet I was determined to finish it. There were too many details and too many tears. The lengthy descriptions and static pace prolonged the agony and bored me to tears. Even minor characters were examined under a magnifying glass until I felt tormented to “get on with it!”

I realized I read to get away from my own stress and to find escape in someone else’s adventure. I want something fast-paced, usually historical, and always exciting or meaningful.

The same goes for food. I hunger for delectable dishes that teach me about foreign lands and the people who live there. That’s why my paintings are usually filled with exotic people and places. I find other cultures and the faces they wear beautiful and telling. They remind me of our common humanity and give me hope in the concept of basic human goodness.

Taste and appreciation are both acquired traits. I’ve known people who are afraid to taste something new for fear it will gross them out. Fear keeps us from enlarging our sphere of influence and enjoyment. Fear of the unknown may keep us from lending a helping hand or experiencing the contributions of others. Don’t hold back! Give it a go. I dare you!